Strategic Discipline Blog

My journey through Acute Myeloid Leukemia continues with Chapter V from CANCER CURED – The Most Powerful Force in the Universe

(Previous segments of CANCER CURED are available here:  CANCER CURED BOOK -to read from the beginning you’ll need to scroll through to the bottom to find CANCER CURED – What do You Feed?, which is the first in the series.)

This is Chapter V – The Most Powerful Force in the Universe. This is the 6^th segment from this chapter: My Father’s Love

My Father’s Love

There were a lot of moments in the hospital to think. I’d spend time looking out the window, although there wasn’t much to see. I never thought of writing a book then, however, I did invest my time thinking back over my life, my family, and the challenges and acceptance I received from my mom, dad, and brothers.

Somewhere I remember hearing/reading/discovering the two critical roles of parenting are; to make sure your children know they are loved, and to teach them to be responsible.  

My father and I had a distant if not challenging relationship, perhaps like how Noah and I got along before Michelle left. I recall when I was in the 7^th or 8^th grade my father picked me up from the Catholic School gym after a basketball practice Saturday morning. I remember speaking to him about my lack of confidence. How all the boys on the team were better than me, and how I would measure up. My father grew up and learned a trade to be a mechanic. He was a tool and die maker at Giddings & Lewis in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin. He knew little if anything about sports, particularly basketball. At the same time, he was experienced in life, and he may have known more about me at that point than I knew about myself. His response was short and sweet, “Don’t be so giddy!”

My father was of German heritage. The touchy-feely parts of love were foreign to him. He was the disciplinarian in our family or rather the enforcer. When the whip/strap needed to be applied or the fear of “God” put into us to obey and complete a task, “wait until I tell your father “Had a powerful influence on our actions.

For most of my childhood, I lived in fear of my father’s wrath. He had a temper. When I was unable to perform a simple task like removing the nuts from a tire on our car, he would cuss and swear at me and move in and do it himself. His patience was severely limited at these times. Looking back on it now, I’m sure it was his fear, that his children would grow up incapable of doing a simple task he could do automatically.  His outburst might reflect this fear, rather than anger at my inability to remember how to do it!  He always encouraged us to get an education.  He didn’t want his boys doing the menial tasks he had to perform his entire life to earn a living. He had higher expectations for Gary and me.

My father worked 35 years at the same job, driving 35 miles back and forth to Fond du Lac from Princeton 5 days a week. He became a foreman for a short time but lost that position and returned to the floor to run the machines after an economic recession. It was a bitter pill to swallow and humbling.  My father had a lot of pride in himself.

During another recession when Dad was on strike, I got to know him better. My mother and dad would come to Fond du Lac every Wednesday to help my brother Jim. This was in the late 70’s and early 80’s after Jim’s accident. My dad would spend part of his time at the union hall seeing his coworkers, and I would often meet him there or at Hardee’s restaurant for lunch. I enjoyed it the most when we met at Hardee’s. We’d both have roast beef sandwiches. He would always buy. He insisted that as long as he was alive, he would never allow us to purchase meals unless it was his birthday! He felt strongly about always paying for us. His action instilled that sense of responsibility in me.

During those visits, I got to know my dad much better. He’d share stories about growing up, going to the Chicago World’s Fair in a Model T with friends, how he started flying, his flight training with Steve Whitman, whose homebuilt racing aircraft at the 1935 Thompson Trophy races reached a top speed of 325 mph making it faster than any United States military aircraft of the era.

Dad would talk about Steve Whitman with great reverence. Not only for teaching him to fly, but for his humility, modesty, and friendship he gave my dad, despite Steve being a celebrity in the aviation field.

He would talk about his friends he motorcycled with; and his discouragement due to health issues at being disqualified from service in World War II.

I believe I grew up not knowing my dad loved me. I feared his temper, his outbursts, his swearing. He seemed unreachable, distant, closed, and impervious. At least to me as his son. Rarely would I see him let his guard down and be relaxed. And there were only a few people, my Uncle Hank, my godfather, who could get him to have even one drink with him.

As a freshman in high school, his father would come to town to pick him up. His father used it as an excuse to visit the bar while he waited to pick him up. Dad, sick of seeing his father drunk, quit high school.

My father saw the damage drinking did to his father and family. He had a strong aversion to it.

It was hard to get to know my dad because it always seemed he had a wall he maintained between us.

During a difficult time in my life, after my divorce, when my girlfriend broke up with me, I discovered the depth of his love for me. One Sunday I came home after dropping off my son Dan at his mother’s in Fond du Lac. I stopped at our home in Princeton. My family still had pictures of my ex up. It upset me!

It probably shouldn’t have, but because it was shortly after my girlfriend broke up with me, and I was still in the refractory stage. 

My mother and brother argued with me about the pictures. I remember my mother saying, “But Ann is still Dan’s mother!” I wasn’t arguing against her pictures as much as being upset about my girlfriend breaking up with me shortly after I had invited her to meet my parents.  I couldn’t imagine her visiting and finding pictures of my ex in my parents’ home.  It reminded me of my being alone and losing her. 

My dad finally got angry and shouted out, “Damn ‘it, if he wants the pictures taken down, take the damn pictures down!”

I felt like he was the only one listening to my hurt.

Another instance where I felt his love came after my separation from my first wife, Ann. I visited him alone at the airport. I recall him asking me why I didn’t come to him, why if I was having problems in my marriage, I didn’t ask him for help. He said, “Doug, you know you can always come to me with anything?”

To my dad’s surprise I said, “No Dad, that isn’t true. I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid you’d get angry; I was afraid you’d pressure me, or you wouldn’t listen. I didn’t know I could come to you. And even if I had, I wouldn’t have known what you could do. I was embarrassed and wouldn’t have known how to share what was happening.” Immediately I could see tears welling up in my father’s eyes. I can only recall once seeing my father cry before this. It was when we met him at the airport in Oshkosh after he and Mom had visited my brother, Jim, shortly after the racing car accident that left Jim a quadriplegic.

As he stood there crying, almost shaking from his emotions, I could feel his love for me pouring out. He wanted so much to prevent me from getting hurt. In that moment I felt more love from him than anyone I’ve ever been with including my mother.

As a father, I know that feeling today for my three sons. We want to protect our children from any misfortune.

My father’s love was buried from me for much of my life. My mother was always loving. She and my dad provided me with the disciplined habits I have today.

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We’ll explore how my father shared his love for me next blog from Chapter V of Cancer Cured – What is the Most Powerful Force?

Building an enduring great organization requires disciplined people, disciplined thought, disciplined action, superior results, producing a distinctive impact on the world.

Discipline sustains momentum, over a long period, laying the foundations for lasting endurance.

A winning habit starts with 3 Strategic Disciplines: Priority, Metrics, and Meeting Rhythms.   Forecasting, accountability, individual, and team performance improve dramatically.

Meeting Rhythms achieve a disciplined focus on performance metrics to drive growth.

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NEXT BLOG – CHAPTER V – What is the Most Powerful Force?