CANCER CURED - Fear Not - TURNING POINT

Chapter 1 of Cancer Cured continues. (See CANCER CURED – What do You Feed? For the previous portion)

TURNING POINT - Fear Not

Dr. Begum’s judgment might have led someone else to choose to give up, to capitulate. I could’ve decided her assessment was accurate. I should spend the little time I had remaining with my family and loved ones rather than putting myself and them through any more suffering. That was not where my mindset was. Resolutely I believe I’m not destined to die. This is not my destiny. Rather I am going to make this the defining moment of my life. I will look back at this moment and discover my decision to go forward, despite her appalling prediction, to be the event I would never trade.

Following the 30-minute conversation with Dr. Begum, I received my infusions.

It takes three hours. While the infusion restores my body to acceptable levels of immunity, I find myself thinking about the meditation practice I began when I was first diagnosed with cancer and what I may have been doing wrong. I started meditating every morning to restore my health. I used Joe Dispensa’s meditation methods from his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. His instructions require you to be present. To be in the moment. Whatever you are imagining, the dream needs to be so vivid, so real, that you feel as if you are truly there living it. The dream is the vision or outcome you achieve AFTER you've given your situation/difficulty to God. It’s a mistake to say this is just a vision. It’s not a vision as much as it’s a feeling. The feeling, coming from your heart is what is most important. As I do the exercise, I imagine traveling to Hawaii with Michelle and our sons Josh and Noah (somewhere Michelle had always wanted to vacation at, which we’d always put off, due to her concerns about finances). The boys arrive and are Lei'd as they get off the plane. I’m speaking to a group about my miraculous healing. How I beat my cancer through meditation. I’m blessed because this is a paid vacation since I’m the main speaker for the conference. When you “wake up” from envisioning your future, you should feel as if you’ve “actually” been in it. Smell it, taste it, feel it. It should be so vivid you are almost surprised it’s not still there when your meditation is complete.

My vision of the future is now very vivid, but I am still not getting better. I wonder if I am doing something wrong within the meditation itself, not imaging my envisioned future? Am I failing to retain the proper mindset when doubt creeps in? Is that why it’s not “working?” Or is it just Dispenza’s approach that isn’t? Several of my friends have questioned it, suggesting I shouldn’t be envisioning an “imagined” future. Several have even hinted that maybe that’s not what God wanted: to cure me.

I’ve never allowed these ideas to steer me off course. None of these friends had ever practiced meditation. None of them were ever in a position like this. They’ve only been commenting on what they’d heard, not what they’ve accomplished or done themselves.

Meditation Practice

I think about my prayer routine, as well. When I pray for recovery, am I failing to choose the right problem I need to release to God?

As I sit in the infusion room with the IV in my arm, I conclude that trying harder in my prayers isn’t the answer. Refining and doing my meditation practice better is.

As I think about Dr. Begum’s conversation with us, I decide I have failed to bring my emotions into my “imagined future” as deeply as I need to. While I’ve come close to this experience, I’ve never actually achieved it. I believe the insight into healing myself will come when I merge my beliefs with deep emotions. Overwhelming Elevated Emotions are what is necessary! Only then will the outcome I desire unexpectedly appear. Dr. Begum unknowingly helped me realize why my meditation wasn’t working and forced me to alter my approach

When we get home later that day, Michelle and I sit down at the kitchen table and discuss our options. Michelle tells me she does not want to try the Riordan Clinic. She has refused to take me there because she believes it wouldn’t work. I’d not found any evidence for the Riordan Clinic curing cancer, so I chose not to oppose her. Going to Sloan Kettering in New York or MD Anderson in Houston seems like a more viable option for Michelle. She points out, however, that the trip itself might be hard on me. The possibility of infection would be greater.

Michelle prefers staying where we are and having the UIHC perform the clinical trial not just because it is close to our support group, but also because Josh and Noah won’t have to be disrupted from school or have their mother gone.

It doesn’t matter where I’m going to be treated, I tell myself. I believe somehow, some way, due to my meditation practices, and my communication with God, the meditation will provide a solution.

I am confident I don’t have to figure this out. God will.

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My doctor may not have been in the best position to judge what I should do (Remember this if you’re confronted with your feelings vs. a doctor’s diagnosis). Her assessment would remain accurate unless I discovered how to improve my meditation. In the meditation, immediately after her judgment I felt I uncovered the way through this. Putting it into practice when I got back to the hospital would be the evidential proof. That’s our next blog as I continue to share Chapter 1 from Cancer Cured.

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NEXT BLOG – Recommitting & Discovering an Improved Meditation Method